Of Jack in the Boxes and Romance

Concerning Jack in the Boxes
I'm almost positive there is a special place in Hell reserved for the sick jerk who invented the Jack in the Box.  I mean think about when you were like two.  Your parents give you this fun little tin box with whimsical drawings all along the side of it and a little crank.  Being naturally inquisitive you begin to turn the crank.  You are treated to a lovely rendition of "Pop Goes the Weasel." This song lures you into a false sense of security, and you are enjoying making music, when, without warning--
POP!!!!!
Out jumps a manic clown, narrowly missing your face, and causing excrement to flow freely in your Huggies.  We have family video of me literally bawling the Christmas I got my first Jack-in-the-Box.  Why do parents subject their kids to this torturous toy?  I am convinced that it is the Jack-in-the-Box that is responsible for a large percentage of the Coulrophobia (fear of clowns) we see in the world today.

Concerning My Current State of Romance
It's funny, in the mission-field they really hammer in this idea that if you serve an honorable mission when you come home everything will work out great for you.  In my mission the thing that was promised the most was a beautiful, wonderful wife for a hard working missionary.  There were various maxims like:
"For every hour not spent working your wife eats another box twinkies."
"Every time you drop your scriptures your wife gets slightly uglier."
"For every raindrop that hits your name tag your wife gets a little more beautiful."

Let me just say if that last one is only slightly true then all I can say is I'm gonna be marrying freakin' Jennifer Beil! But you know what's happened since I got home?  A whole lot of bad luck with the ladays!  It seems like every time something good is about to happen with a lady and me it turns to poop lickity-split!

Concerning  Romance in General in Young Adults.
Now at this point I realize this post could go one of two directions...it can either get really bitter and turn into a rant, or it can turn into a "look at the bright side; let's make the best of what we've got; Charlie Brown" monologue.  Since I hate rants, and am in fact an eternal optimist I elect that this post become the latter of the two.

Nobody wants to be alone at this age.  Whether I wish  to admit it or not I, like everybody else between the ages of about 19 and 115, I really want somebody to call my own, somebody who can think of nobody else the same as me, somebody whom I can give my heart to.  This feeling is felt all the keener as I watch old mission companions and friends find love and even get married.  I think that's what makes it so tough here in Utah, so many people around me are getting married so quick.  I know people who meet their future spouse, date for two months and then bind themselves to that person for all eternity.  Now I have many friends who I know I would offend if I said I had a problem with that, and I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but I know it would never work for me.  Almost everybody in my family who has been married has also been divorced.  This makes me very skeptical of quick love, but that's for me personally.

As I've been through some pretty rough times with girls since being home and as I've seen my friends struggle with finding love I have begun to come to some conclusions.

First of all I do not believe in that cliche that is so often said; "Just wait and focus on other things and love will just happen."  That's bologna, pure 100% Oscar-Meyer bologna.  Love does not just happen, love is made.  I think a better maxim would be "Focus on loving to be loved."  You see it's human nature to want to be loved, but sadly I think I sometimes focus too much on the need to be loved that I neglect loving others.  And when I say loving others I mean loving without expecting to be loved.  Why do I love Christ so much?  Because he loved me first, and loved me just for me, so too I think it shall be for my future wife and me.  Because we loved each other first with no thought of return the love we have for each other shall be deep and unshakable.

Second of all I am so convinced that part of the reason I have had so much difficulty with relationships is because there is still much I need to learn about myself.  Wherefore I'm pretty darn grateful for my failed attempts at relationships.  Far better to not become too attached to a person, learn something new about myself that conflicts with my relationship, and have to suffer a painful severance, or far worse in my opinion, be sealed eternally to somebody who fit me before I knew who I really was.  How unfair it would be to the both of us!  Think of the happiness wasted.

There are many around my age who know who they are and what they need in a relationship. I am happy for them and they love they find.  I'm closer than I've ever been before, and I think I'm just starting to feel like I'm in a place to open up my heart and love somebody.  Until it happens I'll be patient.  After all good things require a great deal of patience right?  I mean after all I'm ONLY 21!  There's still plenty of time.

So though I've had some crummy experiences I shall continue to open my heart up.  Better to have a heart broken 1,000 times and find my one true love, than to have it broken but once and close up my heart, sacrificing my chance at true love.